Today, I was walking down the street and i saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. I thought it fell out of the pocket of the man in front of me so i decided to do the right thing and i asked him if he dropped it. He said yes and took it. I later realized the 20 dollars was mine. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled during sex. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML
Today, I found out my mother has another new boyfriend. She told me she wanted me to meet him, and I reluctantly agreed. When I walked out to meet him in the living room, to my surprise, I knew him. He's 18, my mother is 44. He also happens to be in my second period high school math class. FML.
Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML
Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML
DAMN HILLARIOUS.
ok i'm gonna go now.hope you enjoy reading theeese fucked up lifes.
Dreamt At-5:28:00 PM.
Hariz Koh
17 on 9 may
clementi ite (culinary western)
love's to listen to song
love going to clarke quay and esplande
